bananalogue

Where shall I even begin?!?

I most definitely got more than what I bargained for this year. The summer of 2012 started out oh-so innocent and sweet. I had planned to do so many fun, harmless activities that would help me get rid of the boulders on my shoulders.

Let me kick things off on a positive note. I’ve gotten at least 6 hours of sleep every day since March 20 (I know the exact date coz so far, it’s 1 of the highlights of my year fml). I’ve also showed up at friends’ get-togethers without having to leave before midnight. These very simple things I am soo thankful for. AMEEENNN!

I was a giddy, optimistic fella before things started getting rocky. Okay… let me just do a bullet point presentation of the significant events and things that make my 27th summer on this earth a memorable one; it’s just so much easier this way. It must be noted that I’ll be closing this entry with cheer and hope. Despite all the bad, I have no plans of ending the summer with hate and regret.

Trip to Busan

It was actually my second visit to Busan. I was able to do more touristy things this time, but my first visit was definitely more pleasant. I’ll be posting a separate entry about the time I had the freshest sashimi on a magic carpet.

Here’s a patikim (teaser)!

By the way, the food there has gotten so bad! When I visited two years ago, almost all the restaurants and food stalls I’ve tried were a hit, but this time, ALL were just blahhhh. I probably wasn’t able to visit the right places, but I kind of doubt that coz we had a local with us. I think the only thing I liked there was this

the chicken which is something you could find everywhere in Korea. It’s from a popular chicken joint. No match ang Bonchon.

Books read

Here are all the titles I’ve conquered this summer.

The Prince of Tides, Daughter of the Drow, What Dreams May Come, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Bossypants, and The Geography of Thought

I need to thank Tina Fey for the hearty laughs. She seriously rocks. I adore her. If you guys are going through a rough patch, march to a bookstore and get yourselves a copy of Bossypants. I actually almost died laughing, drooling, and tearing up from reading some chapters. She defies all the bullshit write-ups about females not being funny. As Amy Poehler puts it, ‘I don’t fukcing care if you like it.’ She isn’t at SNL to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do.  

Slumber party with friends

I begged and begged my friends to spare me a night from their busy career and family-driven lives. We stayed at a nice hotel room, ate xiao long bao, got massages, had wine and cheese and chatted all night. We listened to each others’ stories about work, family, and relationships. I uninhibitedly shared all the pain I was feeling. They listened attentively and just basically advised me to stop being a wimpy chicken and crybaby. hahaha i kid i kid. 

New Baking Toys

My mom’s twin sister from California gifted me some cool baking toys. I’m so thankful!!! Excited to try all my new stuff. Baking is such a comforting activity for me. It is almost as special as a gentle kiss from a good-looking guy. Ano daw?!?! Hahahah

Oh oh oh! I tried selling my cinnamon rolls at work, and a lot of people have told me that they love it. I think I’ve already perfected the recipe. Yay! If you are a friend and you want to try ‘em, just send me a message.

New Niece

I now have a NIECEEE! And am going to be her godmothaaa. I’ll be the coolest aunt, I swear. I am already whispering to her the shopping and spa trips we will take together. I’ll be teaching her the tenets of feminism; first lecture shall be about self-respect and sunblock. 

Our pretty baby Kira! I wanted the name KARA, but at the end, it was my suggestion against my mom’s and the parents’. I had no chance whatsoever.

Last but not least is *drumroll..the break up. Yes, it has ended; our ride on the roller coaster of love has ended. cheesy wtf.

I haven’t really told a lot of friends, so I don’t really understand why I’m writing this. I guess I just want to let some people know without the painful speech. This is an escape from awkward and obviously silly questions and reactions such as ‘Are you okay’ and ‘You’ll find someone better.’ Well honey, I AM NOT OKAY, and I don’t want to find someone else.

*drinks cold water, and takes a deep breath

So…nowadays, I’m living on eggs and chocolate. Breakups do nasty shit to one’s ego. Like all women, I have my bad, ugly days, but man oh man this breakup is making me feel like less than a cent. For some reason, my hair doesn’t shine with the same expensive shampoo, my favorite blouse doesn’t fit me perfectly anymore, and even pesto tastes disgusting at times. Everything just seems gray and unamusing. Six years down the drain. Boohooooo. @*#%&$!!!

Surprisingly though, I’m already feeling buttery better than three weeks ago. Friends and books (karaoke and booze) have brought me here. I am so glad this did not make me feel hopeless. I’m glad I’m tougher than I thought.

Now, I am looking forward to better times. I’ll work twice as hard as I did last semester. I’ll make every class memorable; I’ll make all my students treasure every fun, valuable or useless tidbit of information I’ll introduce in class. Brace yourselves!!! *evil monster laugh

So, that’s it pancit. that is banana’s summer blog entry 2012.  bow.

The mandatory vanity shot.  I miss my clear skin. Wahh~ So pangit my skin now. SCREW YOU HORMONES!!!!  And yes, I deliberately posted a photo of me looking younger coz the vanity shot I posted last was of me looking 30+ wtf.

Passion and silence, Every word, every line, a measure, It’s the science of the soul

Very close friends would most probably attest to my incapability of staying angry at someone. Trivial matters do not make me angry. We are human after all; everyone is entitled to piss someone off once or twice in their lives. i have only been seriously angry at someone once, and this someone is a relative. It wasnt a one time big time incident that made me angry at X. I got fed up by Xs whole attitude and i felt like X wasnt doing any good in my life. my anger eventually wilted away.  again, i do not stay angry for so long. Funny thing is that now, i no longer feel angry at X, worse, im indifferent towards everything X. In short, literal na wala na akong paki sa kanya.I have forgotten everything that transpired between us which includes all the good and the bad.  After all the emotions i have invested in our relationship, i feel like i have nothing left for X to reinvest with. I do forgive and forget,  but when i forget, i shift + delete. u gets???

I have little experience with being angry, but I know that i hateee this feeling. I honestly do. i literally think about the situation all day all night, 24/7. It wont make me go to sleep. It also prevents me from functioning. It is kind of like being in a fight with a bf. Actually, i think it is worse bec whenever d bf and i fight, i no longer have difficulties sleeping #heartlessgf. the emotion swallows me whole. I am pretty sure that i only feel this negative emotion for people who are significant in my life. i could not be angry at a stranger who accidentally pours water on my suit bec i dont know squat about him. he doesnt deserve my anger. he is unimportant.

Ive decided to write this bec i think im starting to be angry at someone. this isnt something petty coz ive been seriously pissed at Y for more than a week now. No matter how hard i try to let go of what Y has done, it just wont come through. Y hurt me soo bad. im honestly suffering inside bec i hate this feeling. Im alien to having such ill feelings towards a person. It affects my disposition oh so gravely. im not used to breeding negative energy. it is rotting slowly inside me and im afraid of what i might do or say.  I am not into public displays of aggression, though, so spectators shouldnt count on scenes with banana as main star.

as distraction, im now focusing on things that make me go ^______^~ i had pesto for lunch and dinner today. during my break, i had serenitea to calm d nerves and pesto to satisfy my obsession with basil and garlic while reading The Prince of Tides. Im almost done. Yay. I shall read Shorn Women next.  I hope i get this feeling out of the way before Easter Sunday.

““There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse! Don’t you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal. That is what people pick up. Do you understand? If you care about something fight for it. You hit a wall, push through it. There’s something you need to know about failure, Tintin: You can never let it defeat you.””

Captain Haddock, The Adventures of Tintin (via quote-book)